Balancing winning and losing

16th October 2022

Moose was sitting by the table while his guardians are having their dinner. He stared at Mr who looked at him and gave him a chip. He promptly went over to Mrs who gave him another chip. Finally, he sat beside his young eight-year-old guardian and looked at him expectantly, who gave him a chip. This has been the routine for many months. One round, three treats. No more, no less.

Tonight, he decided to try his luck and sat beside Mr again, whimpering. He looked down and said, “What?! Again? No!” Moose then went over to Mrs and received the same result. Finally, he went over to his little guardian, not expecting too much. To his surprise, his little guardian smiled and slipped him another chip. Result! In this episode, Moose won some (his usual sneaky by-the-table treats), lost some (received a scolding instead) and got a surprise (the extra chip!).

Balancing success and failure is a tricky thing. Many people like to win at all costs and losing is deemed not to be good and to be avoided. Winning is important. It allows us to set goals and strive towards them. When we achieve the goals we set, not only are we able to enjoy the success it brings, but sometimes, it also improves other people’s lives and does good in general, contributing to the universe (depending on the goals!). It builds momentum and permits advantages to be accumulated. You are able to feast on the feeling of success and let it feed your desire to do more. Having little (or even micro) wins consistently leads to tremendous success over a period of time.

Imagine if you never won anything in your life, not in your studies, your friendship, your work, your family, or your hobbies. It would not be a good feeling. So winning is great and certainly crucial to building self-confidence and healthy self-esteem.

But 1 or 2 times out of 10, you should be failing. You should be stepping outside your comfort zone. Instead of performing tasks that you know you will succeed in, push yourself to areas that are (seemingly) beyond your current grasp and stretch yourself. Step into your fear and the unknown. Force yourself to do uncomfortable things. It is in your greatest fear that lies the deepest potential for growth. Occasionally you will surprise yourself and the rest of the time you will learn. In life, sometimes you win, and sometimes you learn.

Imagine if you won all the time and never failed. It would probably mean that you have been staying in your comfort zone. It is true that you do learn when you win. However, it is not as much as when you lose. Success is a terrible teacher while failure is an excellent one. Comfort is the enemy of growth.

Learning how to balance winning and losing is a great skill to improve in. Moose wins his treats daily and occasionally surprises himself when he pushes for more. Are you winning and losing enough in your life to grow in all aspects?

‘Be sure to win enough to keep progressing. Lose enough to keep learning.’ – James Clear

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