Who am I?

26th October 2019

When someone asks you to tell them about yourself, what would you say? Would you state your job? Would you relate your hobbies, likes and dislikes? Would you tell them your nationality?

I find that as I grow older, my answer is no longer as simply as it was before. Would I say that I am a vet? Is that what defines me, the thing I do? Or perhaps that I am husband and a father?

The reality is that I am many things. To my clients, I am their vet. To my sons, I am their father. To my wife, I am her husband. To my parents, I am their child. To my team, I am their boss. I am different things to different people. I have developed an analogy more than a decade ago likening us to diamond. I call it the ‘Diamond Theory’.

Just a multi-facet diamond, we have many faces and versions of ourselves. The way we act and feel with our father is different from it is with our mother. And it is also different when they are both present as well. The way I act and feel to each of my team member is different from the way it is with my children. All those interactions and how we behave are as unique as the relationships that has been developed. They are all different and yet all exhibited by the same person, me.

As time passes, the number of facets changes. It may increase or it may decrease. One thing stays true. That is we change with every different interaction we have with different people and it also changes collectively. For example, our interaction with A is different from B and also different when interacting with both A and B at the same time.

Perhaps another interesting question would be, “How well do you know yourself?”

Many people may think that they know themselves very well. After all, we have been told that our life is a journey and of self-discovery. So most people (including myself in the past) like to think that we have gone through a journey and have ‘discovered’ ourselves, knowing our own likes, dislikes, beliefs, expectations, dreams and continue living life the best way we can. It is not unusual to hear someone say, “I know myself very well”, ”I am good at art”, “I am rubbish at basketball”, “That is not my type” and so on and so forth. My mind has recently been opened and I would like to challenge you to this thought…

“You are not who you think you are”.

If you realise and accept that all your present thoughts and current beliefs are an accumulation of your past experiences, understanding and interactions with the world, both environment and people, and that the future is still unknown to you and how it would possibly shape, affect and change you, how can anyone say that they know themselves well? I believe if I say that, I am actually limiting myself. If I truly believe that my interests, preferences and skills are fixed, I am not allowing myself to change to become more.

I found that once I had let go of the thought that I do not know myself and allow myself to explore even more, possibly trying things that I previously thought I was not good at or had no interest in, I found that I surprised myself each time.

Please do not misunderstand that I meant never to know yourself and understanding your strengths and weaknesses. I am saying that we should not be so sure of what we think we know about ourselves and in accepting that we may not know ourselves, we are able to try more new things and grow.

So when someone asks me, “Who am I?”, my answer would be “I am Lennon who is always striving to become the better version of myself”.

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