It’s not fair!

6th November 2021

Maisie pulled on her lead, standing on her two hind legs. “Let’s go this way!” her eyes pleaded. She wanted to explore the woods today. She knew there were plenty of squirrels to chase and behind, lay a field full of rabbits. Her guardian continued walking instead, heading towards the river where she had planned to meet a friend. Maisie reluctantly followed, still occasionally dragging her feet for the next 50 yards or so until she gave up and trotted alongside her guardian. “It’s not fair!” she seemingly thought to herself.

When they got to the river, Maisie ran forwards and jumped right into it, barking at the ducks that were swimming away hurriedly. She continued to play and run around until she was exhausted. It was clear she had fun despite not going to the woods.

Do you sometimes feel that life is not fair? Perhaps unfortunate events kept targeting you, one after another. You lost your job, your relationship broke down and your car died. Or it could be your health, that when you felt you were getting better, something else would happen to keep you from doing the things you want to do. Maybe it is in your business where you have been working really hard but fail to see the fruits of your labour. Every time you make money, the taxman takes more! You feel that Lord Murphy is constantly imposing his Law on you, making it extremely clear that you have been solely singled out to prove that things always go wrong. Perhaps you feel that your break will be heading towards you soon. After all, life couldn’t possibly be so unfair, right? Everyone deserves a fighting chance, right?

From a young age, a sense of fairness has been instilled in you. You will get the same amount of sweets (or pocket money) as your sibling. When you study in school, you will be rewarded with good exam grades. Good grades will get you into university and because you have worked hard to obtain a degree, a great job will be laid out for you. If you are a nice person, you will meet nice people, right? All bad deeds are punished and every good deed is rewarded. In your experience, have you found that to be necessarily true?

Well, you may be disappointed to find out that the universe does not really have a system or someone in place to gauge or judge how much unfairness or fairness exists. It just is. The universe will continue its own merry pace whether you are enjoying life or not. Sometimes, it will deliver you great fortune in buckets loads and at other times, it may just pour down on you whether you are expecting or ready for it. One’s great fortune could be another’s misery. For example, having great health for someone who has no interest in living could be seen as an ironic event when there are those who crave life and have an incurable medical condition that debilitates them. People with money may not care too much for inheritance and someone with no money does not have any cash gifts in sight.

The Law of Compensation is true though. It states for everything you have missed, you have gained something else; and for everything you gain, you lose something else. The whole world of what we know is a system of compensations. Every defect in one manner is made up in another. Every suffering is rewarded; every sacrifice is made up; every debt is paid. The catch is that you have to see, understand and allow it.

It may not be easy to see what you have gained or lost. It may not be so clear cut but it certainly is there. Every event that happened to you would automatically mean that another event did not happen for you. There is no fairness or unfairness. Life just is. How you choose to see and feel about the situation will determine your experience of it. Yes, it is a choice, though many fail to exercise that particular right and merely allow societal norms to lead them how to feel. It takes self-understanding, realization, and strength to stay in an empowering state to make that important choice of how to see and feel about any situation that befalls you.

You may find these two actions or trains of thought useful to reframe any situation. Firstly, do take EXTREME PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY. Until you do, you will find yourself at the mercy of external events, whether it is life or other people, to depict how you should feel. Remember that lame people blame people. You cannot be a victor using a victim’s mindset. If you can’t change the situation, change your attitude.

Secondly, Practice Gratitude. When you adopt and exercise the Attitude of Gratitude, you are allowing the feeling of peace and tranquillity into your life. Know that how you live emotionally is how you live. Gratitude is a muscle that needs to be trained. To find out more about Gratitude, how to practice and train it, please see my previous blog on Gratitude (or comment below).

Regardless of any situation that may happen to you, understand by choosing how you frame it and feel about it will either empower or embitter you. It is truly your choice. Whether it is fair or not should be determined by you. Exercise that power and not let societal norms determine the fairness of situations or events. Remember that your life is happening for you, not to you. A bad day for the ego is a great day for the soul. What your voice of fear claims is a mean season, the light of your wisdom knows it is a splendid gift.

Maisie had fun despite not getting what she wanted. What is holding you back from living your greatest life? Is it really that life is conspiring against you or simply, just yourself?

“The only thing that makes life unfair is the delusion that it should be fair.” – Dr Steve Maraboli

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